So I cleansed both stones (might as well do them both if I’m doing one). There are a few methods you can use, and as 1. it’s been cloudy for days and there is no sign of sun, and 2. it’s not full moon yet, I chose to run them under the tap for a while and then sit them overnight on an amethyst druse (or cluster) I just happened to have. I sound like a crystal nut – but I’m not. I swear these are the only three ‘stones’ I own. So now they are supposedly cleared of any former and/or negative vibrations, I am meant to program the one I want to use. Which will happen very simply by doing the exercise as I described it yesterday. So now I’m set. I just have to pull my finger out and finally do the exercise.
Month: August 2007
Green vs pink
I mentioned in my last post that I had found my green stone. Or it found me 🙂 A friend called it a literal touchstone and in fact, it has been … in the past.
The stone directly relates to working on an Eric Maisel exercise, from the book “Coaching the Artist Within – advice for writers, actors, visual artists & musicians from America’s foremost creativity coach”. This particular chapter is about ‘passionately making meaning’ or living passionately. Or translating our values into the way we live. There are five components to this.
Journey through the labyrinth of self …
I do believe I am returning to my former book-geek self … at last. And in the process, currently, I am falling in love with Anais Nin.
I read both of the stories of Poe’s that were recommended to me and I have to say that it’s true … ‘The Domain of Arnheim’ is indeed a detailed description of ‘The Voyage of Life Youth’ painting by Thomas Cole. Beautiful beautiful thing … beautiful Poe (Lydecker – I have found ‘Narrative of A. Gordon Pym’ and will give that a good read soon.)
Kate Chopin’s ‘The Awakening’ left me a little rattled. Following it up with Anais Nin’s diary is not helping … or is helping … whichever way I care to look at it at any given time.
Bringing more beauty (Kate Chopin) — and they all lived happily ever after
I do believe I need to celebrate … there is strawberry champagne that has been sitting in the fridge since Christmas but at 11 in the morning it is a little too early for me to consider uncorking. I have finished a book – an unusual occurrence this year to be sure. I finished Harry Potter last night. There is nothing like positive leverage to get you going – in this case the positive leverage of a new book I’ve been dying to read for ages.
I love nothing more than sharing the beauty I find in case other people find it beautiful too (the Hudson River School art is case in point), or sharing thought provoking stuff that may provoke others.
In the beauty department you really must check out Lydecker’s latest series of poems called “The Bubble and the Moon”. They really are exquisite.
The Voyage of Life Series
For those that loved the Thomas Cole/Hudson River School art I posted previously, here is the entire Voyage of Life series by Thomas Cole.
My favourite is Manhood I think. I love the way he has painted the water. Notice how the Guardian Angel is most removed or detached from the subject in this one.
The Voyage of Life – Childhood
The Voyage of Life – Youth
The Voyage of Life – Manhood
The Voyage of Life – Old Age
Guilty is as guilty does.
I am feeling more relaxed right now than I have in a long, long time. It helps that I’m listening to the Debussy preludes – I’m yawning my head off right now.
Well the ordeal is over – sort of. My sister’s ex entered a plea bargain which she took. He pleaded guilty to the rape charge, and all of the indecent assault charges bar one. The story, briefly as it is my sister’s story to tell – my sister and her ex separated in December 2005. Since then he’s been a sick fucker who has stalked her and done things we never thought he was capable of. In June last year he raped her, and tried to choke/smother her to death. She was left with some pretty nasty injuries – though none that were visible. They charged him with the sexual assault but couldn’t get him on “attempted murder”. There were a number of indecent assault charges as well. The plea bargain meant that one of the indecent assault charges was dropped – being the one from previous to the night of the rape where he used to drug her and ‘take advantage of her’ when she was totally unconscious.
So this is what’s happening …
As Gail and Rena are already aware, lately I’ve been in a bit of a state. My moods have been up and down and this week I’ve been barely hanging on by a thread. Might as well throw the anti-depressants in the bin because they are not working – I’ve been that far down.
I thought this was caused by something that is very personal in regard to somebody, a rather unique bond, but in composing an email to this person I came to a rather huge realisation. My current distress is not caused by my situation with the person I referred to above – yes there is an element there but in retrospect it’s rather a minor irritation.
Next week my sister’s trial starts. Or rather my ex brother-in-law’s trial starts. I don’t even know what the charges are properly. He should be on trial for sexual assault and attempted murder, as he tried to choke her to death and nearly succeeded. But I suspect he has only been charged for sexual assault for the rape. I shouldn’t be talking about this of course without the word “alleged” everywhere but I’m confident that this blog is about as private as it gets – Laura, Rena, Ernest and Debs being the only readers. I’m doing the telling here rather than on a filter on LJ so that Ernest is able to read it too. Also so I don’t have to repeat the whole thing in multiple emails – it’s too depressing to type out over and over again.
I have been by Helena’s side on this one from the start. Even members of our own family have made that awful uninformed suggestion that she must have ‘provoked’ it in some way. Helena feels I’m the one person who has totally had her back in this, and I’ve promised from the start to be by her side during the trial. It also makes perfect sense because this was my paid JOB previously. Not in trials but in matters and hearings. This trial is going to be a closed court and she is only allowed one support person inside with her and that will be me.
My big aha moment was that I realised that I have a lot of subconscious responses coming up about this. We are about to relive the whole awful experience. We are going to come face to face with the bastard. We will hear all sorts of appalling things. I am going to have to watch my 10yo nephew give evidence again. I was the one with him when he gave his statement to the police too – that was the most heartbreaking thing hearing him tell that story. Mixed in with all of this is responses welling up about being sacked this year. I’m going back to one of my ‘workplaces’ so to speak – the courthouse. Although we won’t be in the same court – we will be in District court while they are only in Local court – I will come face to face with other workers I haven’t seen since the day I was hauled over the coals. Thankfully I won’t have to come in contact with the Bitch Boss because she doesn’t work for the DV scheme just the neighbourhood centre. (And btw, I have since found out – for those not already in the know – that one staff member resigned not long after I was sacked and one management committee also resigned because of the way I was treated.)
So – massive amounts of angst and anxiety and it’s telling that as I type this the anxiety response, though slight, is starting to happen. It’s also very telling that when I typed this out to my friend as I was thinking it, a massive amount of weight lifted off me and I felt a sense of calm. I’m taking that to be a response to the truth of the matter.
Hopefully this will all be over and done with next week, the bastard’s arse will be in the slammer and life can resume on a more even keel. However we’re number 2 on the list – meaning there is a chance that the first trial will go ahead and then we will be put back until September. God I hope not.
So. That’s why I’ve been a bit silent… hopefully next week will be a big cartharsis.