October…Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

On the very day of the second operation on my breast because they didn’t get clear margins the first time, my sister was re-diagnosed with her brain tumour. We did the same Look Good Feel Better class together. We started chemo within days of each other. Last year we did the Relay for Life together, as she, ironically, lead the Survivors’ Walk. We cried together, we held each other, we talked about our mortality and death the way we couldn’t with anyone else.

Losing Natalie is not ‘just’ about losing a sister, it’s about everything we shared on the cancer road these last three years. Along with grieving the impending loss of Nat, I fight some pretty serious demons which are all caught up in it, that cannot be separated from it, as I am not yet in remission myself. To say I am terrified of ending up where Nat is now is a giant of an understatement. Of all the people in the world, Natalie is the one who would understand. Tragic irony. For me, October will forever not only be Breast Cancer Awareness Month, but also Brain Tumour Awareness Month.

Sisters in blood and cancer.