Like not pulling down the little sun visor thingy in my car this afternoon, even though the sun was very glaring, because it felt like a warm caress on my skin. Like giving up on waiting for the rain to stop to make the hike from the hospital to where I parked my car and getting rained on in the process, which felt delicious. So simple. So lovely … things we usually avoid. And other little things … a small loving text message. Just the thought of a man I love, which can warm me immeasurably. Bliss.
I spent nearly all day at the hospital today but for all good reasons for a change. This morning I attended a Look Good … Feel Better workshop. A workshop run for women with cancer focusing on skin care, makeup and hair(loss); run by volunteers. And the freebies are fantastic! Every bit of makeup you could need (well, nearly … no concealer unfortunately) donated by brands like Chanel, Elizabeth Arden, Christian Dior etc. And cosmetics. However, I believe the great value in these workshops is not the makeup lesson, freebies, or playing with hats and wigs. What was really important was coming into contact with other women living with cancer. I expected most of them to have breast cancer but I was wrong. There were ‘all sorts’ there.
All of the women there, bar Natalie, myself and another girl, were older. Nevertheless it was still great to meet the older ones as well. The woman to the right of me ended up being the mother of my gym trainer, who I’d heard about and she in turn had heard about me, so it was great to meet and she wants me to come visit her. But I think a made a really ‘important’ contact with the other younger woman. She is only 33 and her story is nearly identical to mine (cancer-wise anyway). She is a vegetarian, was a yoga teacher on a tourist island … just goes to show that it hits the ultra healthy people as well. She has come back home to her parents to live while she is having treatment, is single, has no children (at least I have Liam), is having nearly the identical treatment to me. She seemed very excited to talk to me, as she hasn’t spoken to another ‘young’ woman with cancer during her entire ‘journey’ so far. So we have exchanged phone numbers and though we live 45 minutes away from each other, and have treatment schedules that aren’t going to help, she is someone I think I will develop quite a supportive friendship with.
Chemo tomorrow. Valium tonight. And tomorrow morning. Though I do feel better about it after speaking to the oncology nurse in the chemo room today. My neck and chest feel a bit uncomfortable, where I had the porta cath inserted. The area around the porta cath itself (just under my tattoo grrr) is still quite swollen, but it’s my neck I can’t stand. You can clearly see a bump in my neck, where the tube is, and it FEELS gross. Well it is a foreign object in there that will take a while to get used to I suppose. Chewing and talking, and moving, you can really feel it. And the wounds themselves are still quite tender.
I thought I would take a book and my mp3 player in with me tomorrow, but today I was told “we have dvds here and a dvd player, and you can bring your own dvds if you prefer”. Bingo! I will take Dr Strangelove and subject everyone to that. Have to love that!
To spew or not to spew … that will be tomorrow’s question.