Esther Harding (The Way of All Women):
The moon-like character of the woman’s nature appears to men to be dependent only on her whims. If she changes her mind, it never occurs to him that she changes it because of changed conditions within her own psyche, as little under her control perhaps as a change in the weather … Woman’s nature is cyclic … apart from her personal or egoistic desires. The nature of woman is non-personal and has nothing to do with her own wishes, it is something inherent in her as feminine being and must not be regarded merely as something personal. The life force ebbs and flows in her actual experience, not only in nightly and daily rhythm as it does for man, but also in moon cycles, quarter phases, half phases, full moon, decline, and so round to dark moon. These two changes together produce a rhythm which is like the moon’s changes, and also like the tides whose larger monthly cycle works itself out concurrently with the diurnal changes, sometimes increasing the swing of the tides and at others working against the tidal movements, the whole producing a complex rhythm hard to understand.
I forget. I forget about the woman’s inner law of change. Mutability of emotions; the constant flux. If I forget, I can hardly expect males to remember (if they are privy to this fundamental piece of information on womanhood!). I have always questioned my femininity. Always believed myself to be ‘less than’ feminine, without the knowledge of how to be feminine, androgynous. But here it is … the ‘moon-like character’ of woman’s nature is an essential part of being feminine and, well, who embodies this mutability more than myself? I keep believing it is a ‘critical flaw’ in me. No, it is me experiencing being ‘essentially feminine’. Granted, hormonal changes because of chemo causing early menopause and tamoxifen amplify the ebbs and flows dramatically (yet they are starting to settle).
I have been reading a most excellent book called ‘Intimacy and Solitude‘ by Stephanie Dowrick. She talks quite a lot about gender differences, and there is much in there that engenders (forgive the pun) “aha!” moments. Much, that if only men and women knew these things and could remember them, would go a long way toward contributing to harmony between the sexes. Empathy for instance … is a female trait, not natural to males, so don’t expect it (of course this is a generalisation, but a generalisation of the majority, as most generalisations are). Simple. As simple as Miranda hearing “he’s just not that into you”. No biggy. Just the way it is.
Anaïs Nin. Her narcissism is extreme. “Strange that I should explore this womb of real flesh when, of all women, I seem the most idealized, the most legendary, a myth, a dream.”Yet still I am fascinated by her, admire her ability to live as she wished, to love as she wished, and her creativity … how I long for that calibre of creativity, to be able to write like that. Her character sketches are wondrous.
She is the poetry, and I am the prosaic. My hands are cold, and I have a kitchen to clean and Atlantic salmon to cook. 