I. feel. so. damn. good.
I have thoroughly enjoyed these last few weeks with my housemate gone (as much as I love her). Until the last couple of days, at least (because it’s turned cold and rainy), I have been living outdoors most of the time, even whilst studying, meditating, whatever.
New favourite things:
So, I got the results on my first assignment back on Friday. I only just scraped through by the skin of my teeth. A pass at 58%. Mortified. Appalled. Tears and massive self doubt ensued. Of course I catastrophised it all and was sure I would never be good for anything, ever again. When I saw where I went wrong I could have kicked myself to death. But after a weekend (totally alone) of reflection, silence and meditation, all is cool.
but wishing is a useless thing, something children do.
Did you ever see a photo that was so beautiful it made you feel sad and feel sick to the stomach? I did today. And I want to cry.
Yep, there she is. She came at midday today (and it is needless to say I played all afternoon). It’s in dire need of a good clean and polish, and we’re going to reupholster the seat. It’s also in dire need of a good tuning (booked for Monday afternoon). It’s stuck in the front hallway (half in half out) because there is nowhere else in this tiny little house to put it. But there’s light there, there’s room enough. And people can use the back door LOL!! I have my priorities right *grin*.
She’s old. Don’t know how old. Iron frame. Don’t know what wood it is made out of … walnut perhaps? The hammers and felts and strings inside look immaculate (and OH IT HAS THAT SMELL I FORGOT ABOUT … THAT PIANO SMELL. The smell of music.) And it has some nice carving on it.
I am rusty. SO rusty, and have lost the touch, the delicate touch. But with lots of practice and Hanon exercises I think I can get some of it back. But it’s about purely enjoying it while I’m playing it, isn’t it? And I’ve been playing the guitar a lot lately too. Happy happy happy.
30 years I’ve waited for this.
“It isn’t for the moment that you are struck that you need courage, but for the long uphill climb back to sanity and faith and security.” — Anne Morrow Lindbergh
“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” — Emerson
“Friend, it’s time to make an effort,
So you become a grown human being,
And go out picking jewels
Of feeling for others.”
Two steps forward, one step back.