Lying in bed one cold morning, keeping warm and being cosy-toed (I thank Pip Lincolne for that term – it’s perfect and one I have co-opted for myself), I was gazing at my bedroom bookcase, as I do. It gives me happiness. Often. In it are many, many books I have bought or been given but have not yet read.

Quite a few of them are books on creativity, and this particular morning, feeling cozy and homey, it was Craft for the Soul that caught my eye. Written by Pip Lincolne of Meet me at Mikes, the tagline of the book is “how to get the most out of your creative life”.

Pip is one of my favourite bloggers – there’s lots of crocheting and other crafty things to attempt on her blog. It’s a comfortable place to be, like sitting at a kitchen table with a friend gossiping over coffee.

 

I bought this book two years ago, and like most books on creativity, I never worked right they way through it – I’ve dabbled here and there. I don’t know why – yes, it has exercises in it, but nothing like The Artist’s Way or Fearless Creating which require actual work.

So, I am restarting my goal (and I am committed this time) to work through all of the books on creativity I have on my shelves but have never worked through, starting with Craft for the Soul.

It’s a gorgeous book to look at – each chapter has at least one recipe – not fancy ones, but nice homey ones. There are inspiring quotes by herself and others scattered throughout, and at the end there is a bunch of crafty projects to try out.

Happiness – where does it come from?

The first chapter of Pip’s book is titled Have nice times, and is essentially about happiness and how it has become a “fairly lofty aspiration”. (It also has a recipe for raspberry and coconut tarts in it – YUM!)

Pip says the word ‘happiness’ has become somewhat of “a buzzword, a commodity, a red herring of sorts”.

I am in total agreement with her. I don’t see happiness as a goal. How many times do you hear “I’ll be happy when…”? When you’ve lost weight, when you’ve got a six figure salary, when you’ve found the love of your life, when you’ve bought your dream home … the list can go on and on.

If there is ANYTHING that having cancer has taught me, it is that happiness is not a goal. It’s in moments, in the right here and right now, no matter how small. I can totally bliss out on my front verandah sitting in the sun and listening to bird song. That makes me supremely happy. If you’re not mindful of the right here and right now, you can miss those moments, and how much poorer you are for it, in my opinion.

Neither is happiness a permanent state. Like any emotion, it fluctuates. NOBODY is permanently happy. That would be unnatural. And really, REALLY annoying to be around!

Pip quotes a book

Studies show that 50 per cent of individual differences in happiness are determined by genes, 10 per cent by life circumstances, and 40 per cent by our international activites.

That leaves me lukewarm and I beg to differ, somewhat. You can’t quantify happiness. Genes – okay depression and anxiety can definitely be genetic and have a bearing on happiness.

Life circumstances – to me – that’s the “I’ll be happy when” point – I don’t quite buy it. You  can be having crappy things happening to you but STILL choose to be happy. I was going through chemo and radiotherapy, but I chose to find happiness in watching a jimmy lizard sunning itself on a brick wall. I chose to enjoy family time.

Intentional activities – to a degree – we all want to do things that make us happy … sharing a meal with friends or family, abseiling up a cliff, reading a book, wrestling alligators, whatever floats your boat. You can still be wallowing in self pity and ruminating on your own narrative while you’re doing it. It’s about being mindful while you are doing your intentional activity.

It’s all about mindfulness

I’m a big advocate for mindfulness. Mind you, I’m a really crappy practitioner, especially when it comes to sitting my bum down on a cushion and meditating. But I’ve gotten better at it, and that’s one think I can actually thank cancer for. It’s through that whole period of my life that I first started learning about mindfulness and meditation (that’s proper meditation I’m talking about, not the creative visualisation type), and I swear black and blue that without those things, there’s a good chance I might not be here now.

I was chuffed to read this in Pip’s book, because it fits my thought processes on the subject precisely:

People high in mindfulness – that is, those who are prone to be mindfully attentive to the here and now and keenly aware of their surroundings – are models of flourishing and positive mental health.

Yeah, I wouldn’t say I am a ‘model’ for it at all. I have battled with depression and anxiety all of my life, even as a child. I was a miserable human being, pre cancer, I really was. But my mental health has taken a 180 since having cancer, which propelled me into mindfulness. It REALLY does help. I still have my moments, but I ride the wave, intentionally, knowing it will pass.

As Pip says, “life’s really not always peachy.” We all have “tricky bits” – “illness strikes. Setbacks occur. Depression looms. Insecurity arises.”

I just try to balance these unavoidable annoying bits with plenty of nicer bits. I have systems in place: routines, prompts, guides, things.

As fabulously sparkly and sought-after as HAPPY TIMES are, it’s the tricky times that make us who we are.

Or, in my words, it’s the tricky bits that teach us where happiness is to be found.

Perspective is vital if you want to stay on track. You can wallow under a blanket and mull over how wronged you’ve been, or you can work hard at excavating the difficult times to try to find the gems that are hidden within. I vote gems.

I double underlined Pip’s “I vote gems” sentence in this book. Because this is what I’ve learned to do. We all know those people who post nothing but negative ‘poor me’ posts on social media – don’t be that person, nobody wants to be around misery and self pity. You can choose to wallow, or choose to focus on some tiny thing that makes you happy.

At the end of the chapter there are two exercises. Oops, they are called activities and I like that word better! The first is to “Make a list of goals – big and small things you’d really like to do in this lifetime.” The second is another list (which is good, I LOOOOVE my lists) – “Nice moments to be made” – simple things you can do to grab a moment of happiness here and there.

I’m not going to share my lists – this post is already sleepily lengthy – are you snoring? Did you even read this far? If you did, here’s a little prezzie – Pip has the first chapter of her book online on her site for people to read – go take a look.

But before you do … tell me, what makes you happy?