My friend Martijn. Really sweet guy. Asked me today whether I lived anywhere near Gippsland. “No”, I replied “Gippsland is down in Victoria … a long long way away from me. Why do you ask?”
“Oh, I found something on the internet … ” And so stupidly I asked him to share. And he did. And I will NEVER be travelling anywhere NEAR Gippsland. EVER.
Yep .. nice guy Martijn. 
No .. seriously … he is a sweetie 
… despite telling me this …
The giant Gippsland earthworm (Megascolides australis), is one of Australia’s 1000 native earthworm species. These giant earthworms average at 80 cm long and 2 cm in diameter but can reach 3 meters. They have a dark purple head and a pinkish-grey body.
Actually … I think I saw one of these on tv once. It was the … most … revolting thing I have ever seen. It was the size of a small snake. Bigger. Oh so gross. The stuff of NIGHTMARES.
They live in the subsoil of blue, grey or red clay soils along stream banks and some south or west facing hills of their remaining habitat which is in Gippsland in Victoria, Australia.
These worms live in deep burrow systems and require water in their environment to respirate. These worms rarely leave their moist burrows. They have relatively long lifespans for invertebrates and can take 5 years to reach maturity. They breed in the warmer months and produce large egg cocoons which are laid in their burrows. When these worms hatch in 12 months they are already 20 cm long.
They can sometimes be heard in their habitat making gurgling sounds underground.
Excuse me while I go racing screaming off into the distance, gobbling down valium. 
. That is disgusting. Oh my f***ing mother of God. Can you spell “anxiety”??????
Like many of Australia’s native species, European colonisation has caused their decline and they are now a protected species. One of the reasons for this decline is the use of superphosphate on pastures.
I plead with the good people of Gippsland to say “fuck the environment”, forget about the ridiculousness of having a worm as a protected species, and super those paddocks until they glow an exquisite neon green. Yeah go on!! Make them nice and lush and GREEN and full of poisonous phospates.
I would post a picture of the revolting creature as I’m absolutely sure there are plenty on the internet … but … you know. If I do that I will inevitably retch until I eventually hurl on my keyboard. So if you want to see one go looking for yourself.