Boy, the things life throws at you.
It’s been the most stressful three or four weeks that I’ve had in a long while – with a lot of stuff coming at me from left field, suddenly and without warning. A lot of “where did THAT come from?” Some of it life changing (workwise) but when and what will happen is anybody’s guess. Another cancer scare (to find out I’m all good – 10 years cancer free and no recurrence but shit, it was terrifying there again for a while). Some outright bizarre stuff, and some good stuff.
One in the good list is where I’m going with singing.
A couple of lessons ago, my teacher threw this one at me. “You’re going to start doing exams and entering eisteddfods.”
I’m WHAT now?! Bring on the beta blockers. Singing in a choir is one thing – surrounded by others, the focus isn’t on you. You can hide the occasional running out of breath moments. Singing solo, that’s a horse of a different colour.
I’m beginning at AMEB (Australian Music Examinations Board) grade five and I’m doing classical voice. Vocally, that’s easy enough. But my musicianship is rusty. I did grade five musicianship at year 10 (many decades ago now) and haven’t studied it since, except for a brief semester at uni.
Actually am excited by it. I am grateful my teacher thinks I am capable enough – she says I have the perfect timbre for a classical repertoire. I’m looking it at an opportunity not to miss – if I don’t I KNOW I’ll regret it further on down the track.
When I was going through chemotherapy 10 years ago, I remember sitting in an audience at a concert, glowing bright red, thanks to the drugs, and wearing a hideously itchy wig. The concert was given by a couple from Armidale – a woman who plays recorders, and a man who makes his owned stringed instruments, both heavily involved in the music department of the university.
I went home from that concert writhing in existential angst, feeling my mortality and despairing that I had squandered my musical talent. That should have been me, I thought, if I had done things right. I could have had a life of living and working music.
Curiously, one of the songs I will be preparing is so apt it gives me chills. Ralph Vaughan William’s The Sky Above the Roof is a hauntingly melancholy song, and the final few lines are perfect.
Why dost thy weep, o heart, poured out in tears?
What hast thou done, o heart, with thy lost years?
Listen … it’s beautiful …
So, yes, it’s a journey of many years to come. I hope you allow me to share my progress, and enjoy the ride with me!
What an exciting adventure Julia, after a hellish wait for results. I’ve joined a choir for people who don’t do choirs. It makes my heart sing! Keep up the blog. xxx
Thank you Belinda! I have all the best of intentions, I promise ha ha!
Singing in choirs is SO good for the soul. Depending on the choir, the music, the director … sometimes it feels like a spiritual experience for me. And it’s also a good community exercise, too.
I’m in two at the moment (well, there is a third, but it’s taking a bit of a break right now). And as much energy as I’m going to have to focus on studying and practising for this, I’d never give up singing in a choir.
You’ve started in a good place … who knows where it will lead you?!