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Susan Hill – kindred spirit? or kicker-of-‘Colonials’?

23 November, 2010

Recently, two books came into the shop (new) that caught my eye. Two little novellas. One a paperback titled “The Man in the Picture”, and the other a gorgeous little hardcover called “The Small Hand”. Both by Susan Hill, and both ghost stories, in the traditional genre. Rubbed my hands in glee. Here is a new author, I thought, that I might come to love. The first was a good yarn, the second I have put on hold while I read ANOTHER of her books … “Howards End is on the Landing. A year of reading from home”. A non-fiction that was published last year, it is a book about her rediscovering her own library and reading nothing that doesn’t come from it for a year.

I am only half way through. At first, I was absolutely enchanted. I thought to myself “here is a woman you would want as a good friend”. A woman with a delightful sense of humour, a woman who loves children’s pop-up books! A kindred-spirit of the bookish variety. Except that she can’t stand Jane Austen. She doesn’t get the point.

On page 50 she makes a statement that, on it’s own, meant little. She is writing about a travel writer she met who was giving a talk about his book on Australian Aborigines, in whom, she feels impelled to tell us, “I had then, as now, little interest”. That’s cool, Ms Hill, I don’t expect you to be. But sidle that up against another paragraph further on in, and her comment takes on a different connotation. Twenty pages later:

Eucayptus. Murray Bail.
Someone told me that this was a great novel, so I bought it, but then discovered that it was a great Australian novel so I put it away. I find it difficult to get to grips with Australian novels. Difficult, but not impossible.

Really? It is an Australian novel so you don’t even bother to give it a go? Way to generalise, Ms Hill. I would be so very interested to find out exactly WHAT is about all ‘Australian novels’ that is so difficult for you to get to grips with. I challenge you to read Alex Miller’s ‘Lovesong’ (it is set mainly in Paris, maybe that should satisfy) and not fall in love with it. I also, national bias put aside, say emphatically that he is a better writer than yourself. And Thea Astley, oh now there is an Australian of literary merit.

Yes. After reading that, a nasty taste is left in my mouth and BOOM! Infatuation with Susan Hill well and truly over. Then I remember that she states in her introduction “[n]ame-dropping is a tiresome, if harmless, trait”. Yes, INDEED, Ms Hill. It is VERY tiresome. In this book, names are dropped like leaves in autumn. How she ‘bumped into’ TS Eliot, EM Forster, C Day Lewis. How Stephen Fry told her this, and how she knows friends of Virginia Woolf, and this diarist, and that travel writer, and on and on and on. Tedious.

But I continue to read, to see if perhaps I am wrong in my suspicions of snobbery. Until I read this a few minutes ago and my upper lip curled.

I have a problem with Canadian writers as I do with Australian writers. (I know, I know.) But that is emphatically not true of America…

WHAT do you know, Ms Hill? What is it you are ‘owning up to’ here? A bit of British Colonialist Bigotry perhaps? Do you have a ‘problem’ with Indian writers as well? Perhaps it is because I come from the ‘colonies’ but I absolutely adore Indian writers. You can’t go past ‘God of Small Things’ and ‘Inheritance of Loss’ for the absolute beauty that the English language can produce. I charge you with middle/upper class snotiness. That I do.

My my, Ms Susan Hill, what a long nose you look down from. I would love to be proved wrong, but from where I’m sitting, three times is the ‘charm’. Or lack thereof.

Postcript. Here’s another… “I have no difficulty with Katherine Mansfield, surpisingly enough“. ‘Surprisingly’ because she’s from New Zealand?

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Avoiding unhappiness

7 November, 2010

A scrap I want to keep from p.304 of  “Mr Shakespeare’s Bastard” by Richard B. Wright:

“But what must have scored my imagination that December afternoon so long ago–for over the years the Scarfes, both father and son, have returned to me in dreams–was the depth of that old man’s misery: a life of toil at a trade he despised, an unfaithful wife and a wayward son, blindness and a palsied hand and penury towards the end. Job himself had scarcely endured more. And looking at Martin Scarfe in our silence together, I remember wondering how I could avoid such unhappiness. Such thoughts are apt to trouble us most in the hours of a sleepness night, and then with daybreak vanish like the mist across a meadow. But I have carried such thoughts from that room in Whitechapel over all these years and with them attendant questions. How may we find some measure of contentment in this life? Or should we look instead to whatever lies beyond the grave? And if we fail the test, as preachers are so fond of prophesying? What then? Damnation?

I really love the simile of thoughts vanishing like mist across a meadow at daybreak. Beautiful.

This is a good book. A book about words. A book about fictional characters. Do they not exist, or do they exist in the pages? Which then leads the reader to wonder ‘do characters live beyond the book, in the minds of all the people that have ‘read’ them?’ (This reader, at least.) And then I got to thinking about Stephen King’s ‘Dark Half’.

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It’s a female’s prerogative

29 October, 2010

I changed my mind about about “The Hundred Foot Journey” by Richard Morias. He needs a new editor for a start. NB: It was a reader’s copy that I read, however it has already been published outside of Australia so of course there are no major changes going to be made.

The book started out promisingly. I was enchanted enough to want to take it home to continue reading. It wasn’t long, though, and as I have earlier said, that I was continually pulled out of the story by the incredibly annoying voices Morias gave the Indians in the story (ie leaving out pronouns and prepositions), apart from the first-person narrator. Further down the track, I noticed I was getting increasingly more frustrated by the narration swapping from first person, to, oh-so-conveniently, an omnipresent narrator so the reader knows what is going on ‘over the road’ and in other people’s minds. There may have been a sentence somewhere that stated “I was told this later on by …”, but if there was, it was purely a convenient way to get around plot, and, frankly, it did not work. The fact that I noticed it was happening and that I was very frustrated by it is enough to show it is a problem.

The story ran out of steam toward the end. I increasingly veered between wishing that the damn thing would just finish, and wondering where in hell this was going, and was it actually going anywhere? The narrative just plain fizzled. It was is if the author himself ran out of steam at the end and just didn’t know what to do with it.

Disappointingly, a 2/5 for me.

And so, with that done, I am back into ‘The Slap’. I’m ambivalent about this one. I started out thinking it was a daring, provocative, wonderful piece of Australian literature. I’m nearly finished (can’t believe I’ve read nearly half of it this evening), and though it’s close to un-put-downable, quite frankly, it’s a, well, **** book. Provocative, yes. Daring, perhaps, if you consider the idea of using the ‘c’ word incessantly, daring (I just consider it filthy and unnecessary). Chock full of masturbation and sex. A positive–it does make you ponder the question ‘when is it, if ever, okay to physically punish a child?’; it forces you to look at where you stand morally on the issue. However, there is not one character to really like in this book. Some are thoroughly detestable, some are so pathetic you want to give them a good slap around the ears yourself, but what they are are human (except that they are human only in seemingly negative ways … I don’t know if there is a positive character trait to share between the lot of them). Definitely better than the first one mentioned in this post, and worth reading if you aren’t too delicate!

THREE SLEEPS until the end of semester, ‘summer holidays’. I have a take-home exam due Monday night (ie two essays that I only got the questions for a week ago) … Gwen Harwood, and Wuthering Heights. I have the Gwen Harwood portion finished; I’ll be slaving over Wuthering Heights this entire weekend. THREE SLEEPS until I can read as much as, and whatever, I want. Hallelujah! A trip to Perth, Western Australia in November, helping out in the shop in the lead up to Christmas … and … still those details to work out about my Secret Dream Job that will be starting soon.

May all beings be happy (because I sure as hell am!).

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We’re being blown off the face of the map today…

16 October, 2010

I am sure. It’s sunny, it’s pretty, but that gale is monstrous. I can’t even hear kids outside playing and that’s something. Australia is going to go bye byes in the wind!

I got my paper on Yeats’s ‘The Second Coming’ back yesterday. I knew I would either do absolutely brilliantly, or bomb dismally on this one. Hallelujah, I got the best mark I have ever got so far! A nice big fat High Distinction. This was the first paper that I have become absolutely excited whilst doing research on (and I did a LOT of research … way more than first year level). Academic obsession … now I get it 🙂 And it has lead to a love affair with Yeats. I now have a book of his collected poems awaiting some leisure time (yeah, RIGHT!).

My paper looked further into the symbolism of the poem than just Yeats’s book ‘A Vision’. I looked into the symbolism he used, and how it relates to Theosophical and Rosicrucian thought/symbolism, and it’s all there. But I did NOT find any study on it anywhere. How odd. I could do a damn dissertation on it. Yeats was way more than the eccentric weirdo fighting spirits whilst dressed in a suit of armour.

Now, I have a take home exam to prepare for. It is basically two small essays, but we only get the essay questions a week before they are due. I am just thanking GOD that it is not a traditional exam. I am NO good at exams. Not English Literature ones anyway. And I also have a web-design blueprint assignment due yesterday (literally) which I have an extension on, and am, obviously, procrastinating over. I want to have that handed in Monday so I can swat madly for this ‘exam’. I don’t care about marks for the web design unit–so long as I pass. But I do care mightily about getting the best marks possible for English.

I needed that extension because I have been sick all week. I thought it was a one day ‘toilet’ thing early in the week, felt icky for the rest of the week, and it started up again yesterday. A bit worried … it could only be a bug of some sort, but it’s the third time in as many months, so the mind starts on it’s ‘uhoh, the cancer might be back’ track. Toast, tea and lots of water for me. Whilst I burn the entire The Doors discography to cds, and a 9 cd set of minimalist piano music (Philip Glass, Yann Tiersen et al).

Ah! I’m currently reading  ‘The Hundred-Foot Journey‘ by Richard Morais. (The Slap is temporarily on hold). It’s a proof copy I got through the shop as it hasn’t been released in Australia yet (slated for December this year). Australia … we drag our heals on so many things *sigh*. I’m thoroughly enjoying it. It is a first person narrative about a young Indian man who starts a restaurant in the alps in France. Being the Indiaphile I am I had to read it. It’s a great read, a fun read– except for one thing. The narrator’s voice is very erudite and readable. The other Indian characters’ voices are bloody awful. Sorry Mr Morais. Morais leaves out prepositions in their speech and makes them sound like native idiots, they don’t sound Indian … I tried reading their words in an Indian accent and still it did not work. He should have left out the attempt at ‘accent’ altogether, because, for me at least, it does not work and pulls me out of the story. It irritates me. Apart from that, thoroughly enjoyable, and hunger-making 🙂

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Slapping the Joy Luck Club

11 October, 2010

Me working in a book shop is like being a kid in a candy store. Poor William Dalrymple … I’ve put him on hold. Today I spent hours reading at work as Monday is slow. I picked up ‘The Slap’ by Chris Tsiolkas, an Australian book which won the 2009 Commonwealth Prize and was longlisted for the Man Booker Prize. And deservedly so. WHAT A BOOK. I’ve heard all the hoo-ha about it of course, but was motivated to read it after reading a short of his that was included in the ’10 Short Stories You Must Read in 2010′. His characters are unlikeable. But there is honesty in his characters–brutal, harsh, reality in the characters–with unpleasant thoughts and actions and character traits that, if we are honest, we can well recognise in ourselves. And I found Amy Tan’s ‘The Joy Luck Club’ in the second hand section today so have borrowed that also.

And don’t I LOVE the WordPress plugin to my right, which keeps track of my library/reading list. Wee!!

Have Web Design unit first assignment (blueprint) due on Friday. Yelp. No sleep. No time. Why can’t I just read for the rest of my life?

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As the morning creeps into the sky…

7 October, 2010

Hello  blog, I have been neglectful of you. At this point, I am afraid you are nothing but a place to save my thoughts and scraps for me to peruse electronically … at some later stage, if I feel so inclined.

I remBuddhism for Mothersembered you at 5am today, after I had no sleep all night long and was reading to try and court that nasty mistress. While the light was only just seeping into the sky, and the kookaburras, willy wagtails, cuckoos … and froglets … singing up a cacophony (yes, I do know that is not a noun), I opened up ‘Buddhism for Mothers’, (thank you Rena!) which is one of the great big pile of books being read/half read/finished on my bedside table  (mine has a nice orange cover – not this pastel horrendisity). I opened it at a particular spot, a perfect spot, and started reading.  I thought to myself, I really need to read this at least once a month, and so, as my repository of scraps, here is the section of which I waffle…

Attachment to our Friends and Loved Ones

The Buddha taught that attachment is the cause of our suffering and unhappiness. This is especially true for our relationships. Attachment makes any good intentions towards others conditional: when someone fails to conform to our rigid expectations, our feelings of friendliness dry up. We hold unspoken demands, expect people to somehow sense these, and then feel bitterly disappointed when they let us down. Neither loving nor caring, attachment fails to nourish our wish for others to be happy. Instead, it makes us clingy and needy.

Real love is motivated by a wish that others be happy and overcome suffering. It is unconditional: the way someone treats you doesn’t affect your response of compassion. If this seems irrational, we need only think of our children, who can behave abominably all day and even profess hatred for us, yet we still love them intensely.

At worst, attachment makes us possessive as we harbour feelings of ownership: she’s ‘mine’ and I must guard this relationship from all threats. We might insist people be the same as us, that they share the same views, interests and tastes. We might try to control them and before long we can’t believe how negatively we feel towards a former source of joy. Real love, on the other hand, provides space and freedom for our friends and family to be themselves.

When we feel attachment, we see our friends as sources of our own happiness rather than people in their own right, but how fair or reasonable is it to make others responsible for our happiness? Relationships, like all phenomena, are characterised by impermanence. They constantly change, just as each individual in a relationship is not a consistent, stable identity. Relying too much on other people for our happiness leads to unhappiness. We need to live with others in a non-demanding, self-sufficient way. If we could stop clinging to our relationships our minds would become more peaceful, freeing us from much anxiety, worry and fear.

(Sarah Napthali,  2003, Buddhism for Mothers, Allen & Unwin, Sydney)

Guess who hasn’t been doing their loving kindness meditations 🙂 Or … any meditation for that matter, for a long time.

Other items of non-interest:

  • Very behind in my study. Blueprint assignment for web design unit due in a week, ‘take home exam’ (two small essays, of which we only get advised a week before they are due) for English Lit in a few weeks. So so behind. Liam being on school hols doesn’t help.
  • Yeats paper was exhilarating to do, and fascinating, and my thesis will mean either I do brilliantly or flop dramatically, and I am so glad it is over.
  • So disorganised and scatter-brained since the whole cancer thing I don’t know if I’ll ever find my way back.
  • I’m reading a wonderful collection of short stories by Australian authors at the moment. It’s a free book, given out by the government, to get people reading. A not-for-sale publication. I’m surprised at the quality … because it is a freeby. (Note to self: must now read ‘The Slap’ by Christos Tsiolkas.)
  • Have a Fistula Trust fundraiser on 30 October … depending on how organised I am with my assignments (sigh). An afternoon of knitting/crocheting squares for blankets that the Hamlin Fistula Trust has requested for their women to use in hospital. Want to do.
  • I’m finding the ‘issue’ of my ex-partner having a new girlfriend is affecting me in surprising ways. Disturbing dreams. I have to admit, though I left him, and it was three years ago, I can’t help feeling very, very sad. He is moving on, finally, and it is what I wanted for him. But I … well, I am feeling happy with my life currently, and don’t pine for a partner, but I do wonder if it will ever happen. I even, stupidly, now 3/4 believe that I am ‘not suitable for relationships’ as I was once told. God DAMN that man (and by ‘that man’ I do not mean my ex), why should I believe that??? I shouldn’t. But I do. ‘Sticks and stones’ is a load of bullshit.
  • Another change of academic plans. After scouring every single unit offered by the School of Arts within my university, I have finally decided, yes I have, on my second major. It is called ‘Studies in Religion’, but the connotations of that make it appear it’s all about Christianity. Maybe it should be called ‘Comparative Religions’ or ‘Study in ReligionS’. From ancient Greek/Roman/Egyptian beliefs, to Buddhism/Hinduism/Christianity/Islam. And lots in the middle. I’m very excited about starting those units next year.

But no more of that. May all beings be happy… and you too, you poor sad, disregarded blog.

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Silence

9 July, 201013 July, 2016

“I love minimalist music” I said

we

now

soulless

minimalist

communion

crumbling

dry

ash

blowing

whispering

dustily to the desertscape

ghostown of yesterday’s cherished sanctity

Julia, 2010

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Hermit Weekend

22 June, 201013 April, 2013

Semester has finished, and I think I can confidently say that I haven’t failed the subjects (although final grades aren’t released until July). I surprised myself, greatly, with a high distinction on my major English essay. The final exam wasn’t as bad as feared. Music … music was hard and it remains to be seen how well (or not) I went.

So now I’m on a four week break before brand new subjects start. I get to read Wuthering Heights, one of my favourite books. I have already started … the intention is to read all the set texts in the break before semester starts. But I’m also reading other things … devouring them. It feels so GOOD to have completed the semester and have some ‘free’ time.To go out to dinner with friends, to wake up and not feel guilty because I’m not immediately studying.

See that round logo in the sidebar? I’m doing an online course over the next eight weeks that sounds like it’s going to be a lot of fun, and very freeing. I have assembled parts of my play kit … a beautiful cheerful box, some silly string, bubbles for blowing, cards and envelopes, post-its (colourful ones, of course!), gel pens, crayons etc, sidewalk chalk, a chocolate bar and some grape-flavoured bubblegum! Bought some pick-up sticks on ebay. We get to do secret missions. And I have already formulated ideas for anonymous ‘happiness bombs’, a kind of guerrilla art/writing thing. Simple things, lots of fun, bringing happiness to strangers’ days. WEE what FUN!

Pictures from my hermit-long-weekend last weekend:

Outside reception at Diamond Beach resort.
Outside reception at Diamond Beach resort.
Outside reception and restaurant
My ‘cabin’. There’s no seeing how nice, if very small, this was from this photo. Huge flat screen tv. Lovely sparkling self contained kitchen. Sounds of the surf pounding all day and night.
Miles to walk. To the north …
… and to the south (zoomed in). Is this the perfect spot or what? Imagine living in one of those farmhouses up there…
The perfect way to study poetry
The dunes between the beach and resort.
A stone I found during a walk on the beach. I took it as "a sign" that I found a heartstone when I badly needed it. I have been reading A Path With Heart, and the day I found this stone on Diamond Beach, my heart was writhing in sadness. Such a beautiful, beautiful find.
A stone I found during a walk on the beach. I took it as “a sign” that I found a heartstone when I badly needed it. I have been reading A Path With Heart, and the day I found this stone on Diamond Beach, my heart was writhing in sadness. Such a beautiful, beautiful find.

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Beethoven’s letter to the Immortal Beloved

4 June, 2010

(Beethoven’s ‘Immortal Beloved’ was Antonie Brentano, a married woman.)

“Though still in my bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved [unsterbliche Geliebte], now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us–I can live only wholly with you or not at all– Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits– Yes, unhappily it must be so– You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you. No one else can ever possess my heart–never-never– Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves. And yet my life in V[ienna] is now a wretched life– Your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men– At an age I need a steady, quiet life–can that be so in our connection? … Be calm, only by a calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together–Be calm–love me–today–yesterday–what tearful longings for you–you–you–my life–my all–farewell.–Oh continue to love me–never misjudge the most faithful heart of you beloved.

ever thine
ever mine
ever ours

L[udwig]”

*sigh*. Handsome, passionate, genius Beethoven…

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Music to feed you soul

28 May, 2010

Last week I downloaded Lou Rhodes’ new album ‘One Good Thing’ from iTunes. I loved her first album, not so much the second, but this one is definitely my favourite. It’s a return to the sparesness of the first, with more depth. I’m head over heels in love with it.

I like Lou Rhodes, yes I do. She is a person I’d love as a friend. She is a Buddhist who lives in the countryside in England. This album was informed by the suicide of her sister, and the breakdown of a serious long-term long-distance relationship. It is beautiful, it is gentle, and it is deeply touching.

Here she is doing an Elliot Smith cover…

On a totally trivial note, the local newsagency is a dangerous place to go. It is stuffed with gifts, and lovely, classy ones they are too, including gorgeous writing stationery, storage boxes and all manner of things that I drool over. I went in there today to buy my father a birthday present. I came out with only a Charles Rennie Mackintosh (art nouveau) inspired metal bookmark. I did very well 🙂

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