Peculiar Julia - Thought repository and wine-fuelled rambles, digital scrapbook and general shambles
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Worms part 1

29 April, 2007

Scoleciphobia – that is the term for a fear of worms.

I am scared of worms. Yes – I’m out and I’m proud. It sounds bizarre and a tad wimpy, but there you have it. It’s irrational – I know they can’t hurt you, but … just typing this makes shudders go up and down my spine and much head shaking and brrrrrrrrr’s being vocalized. I know they are good for the environment and all and I respect that. But don’t expect me to do any gardening.

How it started I don’t know. But I remember being horrified as a child when someone told me that holes in apples meant worms. From that moment I would not eat applies if they had holes in them. One day, however, my vigilence slipped. I remember it clearly. I was at a school athletics carnival – I was only in primary school. I was thirsty and hungry and my mother gave me an apple. I started to eat it. Wouldn’t you know it. Murphy’s Law. I take a bite, look down at my apple, and there is half a worm frenetically wriggling … sticking out of the place I just bit out of. Guess where the other half was?

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“The realisation of solitude …”

28 April, 2007

“Strange that I was a child
so meek and mild
with a tempest of visions within my brain.
There was a time–
it was only for awhile–
when I feared for the pain of loneliness.

Strange to be here again–
oh near again–
to the realization of solitude.
There was a time
when I would not call you friend,
but I’m fearless hereafter of loving you…”

Lyrics from “Daath” performed by Imogene.
Written by David Melbye
permission granted for use by David Melbye

 

The “burden” of solitude in gifted people. It is what we crave, what in the end we realise is essential to our healthiness. Yet we often are left grappling with ‘our domain’ – solitude (ie aloneness) vs loneliness.

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Purpleday

26 April, 200713 July, 2016

 

Purpleday

 

Oh brutal friend
forever seeking to possess you
claim you hold you up as All
and oh, the irony

Oh brutal friend
forever seeking to possess me
Jealous lover you
sabotage each delight I crave

Oh brutal friend
you break my heart
love hate you so
I plead that you would let me free

Oh brutal friend
your aim is swift and true
your flame flares fast
in your quest to own

Oh brutal friend
Truth be told
ensure that I am
forever condemned
to my other brutal friend

solitude

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Duality … Gender … Androgyny

24 April, 2007

I am the woman of an ancient master
to whom I swore eternal devotion
I am a woman of coloured glass
through whom passes every changing with colours
I am the woman of No One
and perhaps I am not even a woman.
Matilde Jonas

I read a chapter in one of my favourite books today .. Thomas Moore’s “Original Self: living with paradox and authenticity” … about gender. Which I intend to share here because it relates to another theme that has been running through my head lately … androgyny.

First – let’s get the definition of androgyny out of the way. Some people get the terms “adrogynous” and “hermaphrodite” mixed up. They are not the same. “Hermaphrodite” refers specifically to reproductive organs. To the physical. “Androgyny” has nothing to do with the physical. Neither is it to be confused or related to bisexuality.

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Lilac Left

24 April, 2007

Yes, yesterday was a blue day, that thankfully evolved into being more of an acceptable and comfortable lilac shade.

When I woke today, I hoped it may turn into a yellow day. Warm golden yellow, bursting and glorious, tinged with the warmest and deepest of pinks. As the morning wore on I resigned myself to perhaps remaining lilac for a few days yet.

However my colour was destined to change, and instead of the brilliant and bursting yellow I thought I would turn, I got something entirely different. Something indescribable … pick a colour. Pick something floaty, ethereal, dreamy and magical. Something that makes you gaze off into the distance and something that makes you forget to breathe. Perhaps not a colour you can even see with the eyes. That’s the one. That’s the colour. It’s the most beautiful of colours.

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Distillazione

22 April, 2007

Funny thing. Today and last night I had conversations with two different male friends. Each of them were talking about something they did with a friend, a female friend (not the same female friend – these two don’t know each other).

In each case both men said the friendship was purely platonic, and there was nothing sexual in their interraction whatever. However, the first one did say that his friend had beautiful big breasts and he couldn’t keep from sneaking peeks down her cleavage. The second guy remarked that despite his friend being just that, a friend, he felt he had to remark to me that she had spectacular breasts.

I laughed. I don’t get the total obsession most men have with breasts. Comment – “if men had breasts we’d never leave the house, we’d be too busy”. (ahem reminds me of a dream I once had but that is too rude for here ). I commented that sometimes I felt like a pair of walking breasts. Breasts on legs. I said I got tired of men wanting to talk to my breasts. A common complaint I am sure many males have heard many times before!

When saying goodbye, my friend said “you are too hard on yourself. Remember you have a beautiful mind sitting on top of those breasts”. Being a visual person, that was too much. The image in my brain was rather odd. And so I had to rush off and scribble it down. Here it is:

I was going to draw eyes instead of nipples (a reference to men talking to women’s breasts) but I didn’t. Now I wish I had. It would have been tad more bizarre.

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A bedtime prayer

21 April, 2007

This poem I posted on here way back when I first started blogging. I decided to repost – poetry being brought up in a discussion following my last post.

I suck at poetry. Totally. You’ll see lol. And when I write I usually never do rhyming poetry, I don’t like it that much – I prefer it free. But one afternoon, as I was trying to have a snooze, some lines for this kept intruding and I had to do that thing – that thing where you have to get up and get it out just to get some peace. It’s no masterpiece, and I won’t say enjoy because it’s not a nice subject.

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I’ve got the music in me

21 April, 200713 July, 2016

I’m sorry but fair warning – this is another one of those “go grab a cuppa and visit the bathroom before you start reading this post” posts.

I’m not sure how well this is going to go tonight. My hands are shaking from pure exhaustion. I’ve had a bout of bad insomnia the last few nights … no awful reason for it … actually if I was going to blame anything they would be good reasons so apart from being unable to stop the incessant yawning I’m feeling fine. It’s just me. It happens (shrug).

Music. It runs through my soul and there once was a time I thought it was my life’s purpose. The thing I was destined for. My ‘one’ thing. And I was right and it should have been. But through life and circumstance however that has changed. Sadly. Still, it courses through me, sometimes slows to a trickle, sometimes lays stagnant and forgotten, but is always there.

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Psychedelic Machines of Surrealist Joy

19 April, 2007

For those who missed the bulletin at myspace … I loved this SO much I’m sharing it here as well.

Genius. Especially with the choice of music it is set to.

goo goo g’joob peoples – please enjoy this exquisite piece of grooviness.

Thanks much to : The Amorphous Androgynous
Date: Apr 16, 2007 8:41 PM

we attended the opening of a new show  ‘CABARET MECHANICAL THEATRE ‘at the wonderful Kinetica museum here in London last week and filmed some very groovy Automata machines  – which we spliced into amorphic shape and which we include here for your pleasure and predilection-  enjoy !!!

love the AA

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Monogamy and love … possible or not? And do bj’s count?

18 April, 2007

Wow. What a week for reflection and big questions.

Two nights ago somebody asked me what my views were on monogamy. I told him that was a really big question and I needed some time to formulate my reply. Last night the same person asked this: Love…. have you ever felt it before that it’s so strong and powerful? and  Do you believe in love? Again I told him I’d best consider a reply on those first and I would address those questions along with the one from the previous night.

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